4 ways to screw up an internship

So, you’ve got yourself an internship, hey? Congratulations! But obviously you don’t really want that lucrative job at the end of the road, do you? Here’s our top four ways to screw up your internship and get the whole thing completely wrong.

Know best

You know you’re God’s gift to the industry and you’re going to flip the whole thing on its head with your revolutionary techniques, so definitely keep going with that plan you’ve made to change things round here. After all, the standard procedure is only there because no one’s thought to review it all these years!

The professionals will tell you to do things properly and “their way”, but definitely don’t do that—after all, they’re only the successful ones with well-paid jobs in the industry and you are a trailblazer. Ignore all criticism and persevere with your solo crusade to failure and not getting a job.

Sack off menial tasks

Do they not have secretaries for the kind of boring administrative task you’ve just been assigned? Actually they do, so if you’re given a task which seems a bit below you it’s best to just ignore it completely and do something else instead, because there’s obviously been some sort of mistake.

Drake was wrong, there’s no starting at the bottom for you—you’re an intern! Remember to act extremely blasé about the whole situation if asked about it, to get the full effect and let them see just how little you care about your placement or the company.

Leak confidential information

So, you’ve found some juicy gossip about a deal between two huge companies that hasn’t quite gone through yet? Wicked. Text your mate at one of the companies and tell him to stick a tenner on a merger, and to ask his boss to clarify his position. Or better yet, email a client with some confidential information about a deal you’re working on for one of their rivals.

That’ll show them you’re someone to be trusted and they’ll definitely employ you in the long run for letting them know the secret information on the sly. Just kidding, no one will ever hire you, although you might win some money off that tenner. (Editor’s Note: It’s also highly illegal and we could not recommend anything less.)

Remain solo

Keep business and pleasure completely separate, they always said. Apply this rule in your own life by not talking to anyone from the office, keeping your earphones in at all times and refusing to be a part of office culture. Who makes friends with the people they work with? If anyone tries to talk to you, just pretend it’s not happening, and blank them out.

Be curt and formal with your superiors, so they know you’re a business-only kind of person, and they’ll respect the way that you stick to your principles and keep your work and personal lives completely apart. Not.